From my early years in life I’ve always felt “alone” and I don’t think it was from being the only child but in my mind. I felt no one quite understood me. Growing up, mentally I could never catch on to what I wanted out of life. I always found myself angry,  depressed, lost, and anything that was the opposite of happy.

 

With my mother working two jobs and me not having a father or a father figure around I found myself seeking attention. The only thing that I saw and made sense to me, for me to gain that attention was to place myself in a position that would empower me. With not having much attention on me, being one of few people that actually enjoyed numbers in school and knowing a few people, I figured that selling drugs would be the perfect fit for me. Noticing the impact of popularity that I had gained, one thing that was able to keep me “lowkey” was that I was never the flashy type. Knowing that I had money I came to built a huge amount of self confidence and along with that confidence people started to gravitate towards me. What I didn’t know for the many years of being in the game was the dark side, from the paranoia to the extreme violence. With being so lowkey I never brought a lot of attention to myself until I got involved with the wrong crowd.

 

As I grew older the thought of, “ what the hell am I doing with myself “ would cross my mind very often! So the turning point for me was the time I spent in jail being away from my family but mainly my son. So here I am once again feeling that sense of loneliness, a place where I never thought I’d see myself for second time.

 

After being released I thought that I would get a fresh start to life and man was I wrong! Having a conviction on my record, even though I paid all my dues, was the toughest uphill battle I probably faced in my life, from trying to get a job, from trying to find a place to stay was damn near impossible. Facing these challenges really put me in a depress stage in my life to the point where suicide became a common experience. Here I am falling under being the statistical young black man in the system who is seeking a second chance in life.  At this time the job market was difficult and I’m a black man with a record, so all odds just seem to play against me.

 

Something very important came upon me while going through uncompromising  journey. One thing about me is that I value love, respect, and to treat others as you would want to be treated. So, seeing how I was judged from a mistake that I’ve made in life hit me tremendously! In life we ALL have and will continue to make mistakes, we’re human! The fact that once we make that mistake we are doomed to gain a second chance. With my thoughts going at full throttle I was just imaging how many other people are in my situation, not only in my particular situation, but those who are being judged for something that can’t control or for simply being who they are. With one take society is so quick to write us without even getting the full story, it’s as if we are selectively given opportunities.  

 

The moral of my story is that we were all created equally different. We all deserve to be heard. We all deserve to be properly loved. Most importantly, we all deserve to be treated as Human Beings.